My Duplex

So...I own this duplex in Yakima, WA. After more than two years, yesterday, I finally gets an offer from a potential buyer. It was a VERY low offer but I submitted a counter offer. The realtor says they want to sleep on my counter and I tells her I'd rather sleep on a feather bed. So's along comes this morning and I sends another email to my realtor, "So I gets up this morning and goes in the kitchen to make coffee...and right there, plain as day, was an old guy sleeping on my counter! All's I could do was work around him and leave him be." Hopefully, he'll wake up and realize I have a great counter. Almost everything I have is broken...the car, holes in the front porch, lawnmower (grass is out of hand), weed-eater (grass is out of hand), roto-tiller, chairs, etc., etc. I'd be able to fix everything if this old guy comes to his senses and recognizes a great counter when he sleeps on it!

Follow-up...The prospective buyer comes back with a counter-counter that was nearly pennies above the initial offer. I tells my realtor if they expect me to counter-counter-counter, the price goes WAY up instead of finding a compromise. I laughs and says the prospective buyer should go back to robbing stagecoaches rather than trying to steal from me. They calls back later in the day. The buyer's realtor wants to know I'd settle at $4,000 less than my initial counter offer. I ignores the question so far.

This is a property with rents below market and provides an excellent return-on-investmental ready. (Why sell? It's too far away and I can't take proper care of the place. Also, I need the money!)

Ultra- BORING DAVE SIMS!

Dave Sims seems to be the most boring announcer I've ever heard. I'd really be extremely pleased to never hear him again. I'd much rather listen to Ken Levine (of Cheers)! Why in the world would ANYONE pay him for his completely boring radio delivery?! Listen to Dave Sims, Rick Rizzs, Aaron Goldsmith...Dave Niehaus. Dave Sims sounds like he should be sitting at a keyboard rather than a microphone. It's downright embarrassing. He's every bit as boring as Ron Fairly (obvious) was. Of course, there were people who were fun to listen to because they sounded completely foolish...like Ken Griffey senior and others. How can it be so difficult to find competent, interesting announcers???? Announcers who don't speak with strange accents from other parts of the country and with a near-soprano voice...people who sound like they actually care about the event?

MLB

It's time to end inter-league play. Just a few weeks into the baseball season and the Seattle Mariners are already playing against their second, National League opponent. It's silly! It was an interesting venture in the beginning but it's gone completely too far!

Turkey

So...I was watching old clips and episodes of Family Feud on YouTube and I came across a British version. Of course, this is all with a British accent...
The host asks the guy...

"Something you would take to the beach..."
To everyone's amazement, he says, "turkey."
"Okay, something you would buy at the grocery..."
The guy smiles and says..."turkey."
Next..."Something you would stuff..."
Laughing now, the guy says..."turkey!"
The man has no answers at all for the next two questions and the host tells him he could win a two-week vacation in...Turkey!

Sometimes, just as I wake up in the morning, I think of that and before I even get up, I'm roaring with laughter in bed until I cry..."Tuhkey!" I think those mornings are the best...when I'm already laughing so hard before I push back the blankets!

So...I was thinking of additional questions to help the poor bloke...

"Name a kind of vulture..."
"Tuhkey".
What's a cold way to quit drinking?"
"Tuhkey!"
"Name a kind of trot..."
"Tuhkey."
"A kind of soup...
"Tuhkey."
"Okay, a kind of wild whiskey..."
"tuhkey."
"Now you're giving me agita...Name a kind of pot pie..."
Laughing again,"Tuhkey."
"Okay, a kind of bacon..."
"Tuhkey!"
"Oh my gods...a type of sandwich..."
"Tuhkey.'
"Meatball?"
"Tuhkey!"


...and so on...and so on...

So...I received a recipe for Chicken Pho (called Pho Ga). I thought I would have to substitute many items but when I was wondering, "If I substitute turkey for chicken, what do they call turkey pho? It can't be Pho Ga (that's chicken.)"

With all my research to date, the best translation I can come up with for turkey in Vietnamese is..."Tuhkey!"

Since I'm such a simple kind of person, maybe no one else may find this Family Feud clip to be so funny...but I do and laugh until I cry every time it crosses my mind.

raccoons

So’s I gets myselves a little place in the country. You know what I’m sayin. They ain’t no Nordstrom, no WalMart…no nuthin. I moves in and settles in.

In about a month, I hears a scrtatchin’at the front door. I goes to have a look. There’s a little raccoon lookin’ up at me with “help me” eyes. I looks at the beautiful little critter and thinks he could take off my finger without a thought. He be bleedin’ and his tail is sideways. He looks sad and needin’ help…blood all over the porch.

I thinks, “You ain’t commin’ in here1”

So’s I gets a bowl of water and some food and puts it out there for him. I talks real nice and tells him everything is gonna be fine.

My son, Baby Tommy, has this cat he was raisin’ since it wasn’t yet a cat. He takes it in the shower every day with him.

So… Baby Tommy is goin’ somewhere…”Can you take care of Hambone (the cat)”? I say, “Okay, but I don’t allow cats in the house.” I goes out and buys a “cat house” and puts it outside. I lines the inside with blankets and towels so’s it’s like a “cat-mansion’.

Back to the raccoon…

So the cat lives outside (most of the time) and I feeds it out there.  They is always cat food in the bowl. So, I be sittin’ out there, doin’ crosswords or…whatever…and over the fence...and up and over the railing of the porch comes this raccoon. It goes straight for the cat food. It sits there and eats (with his hands) all the cat food in the bowl. At that moment, I be sitting about three feet away. The cat (Hambone) be on top of the cat house. Hambone be swatting with all claws extended, smacking the raccoon on the head. Nothing! The raccoon reacted to the cat as if it was less than a gnat. No reaction. (This was BIG raccoon!) All this time, I just be sitting there.

With the food all gone, the raccoon looks at me, right there next to him. He looks up at me and takes a few steps my way…he sits down a foot away from where I be sitting. He looks at me and I finally realize he has no tail. This was the same young boy what came to my door so long ago.

In lateer visits, my raccoon friend came often, sitting right next to me. I never done took a chance to reach down and pat him on the head. As time passed, he brought his family…they all climbed the fences and ate grapes all night. When the entire family came on my deck and my friend sat by me….all the youngsters and the mother kept their distance.

Eventually, Baby Tommy brought Hambone home and, after a long and wonderful life, he wandered into the wilderness, never to be seen again. I don’t know what ever happened to my raccoon friend without no tail and have not seen raccoons around here for a long time.

Shaving

So, after 3 or 4 weeks, I goes in the bathroom to shave onaccounta I was lookin' pretty darn scruffy. I gets all lathered up with soap and begins the work. What a job! I gets finished, realizing there were still tufts of facial hair still evident...too bad. My razor was finished. I realized the razor blades have a usable life. It didn't matter if I shaved every day or every 3 or 4 weeks. The razor knows. If I shave every day, the razor does its thing. If I shave every 3  or 4 weeks, the razor has to catch up and still has 3 or 4 weeks of shaving to do. How odd!

Vaccines

So...I was reading a post on Facebook about four students contracting whooping cough, even though they had been inoculated. I gathered from the post that this was an indictment of vaccination. It's an extremely sad situation. Of course, while I'm saddened to read that anyone would contract whooping cough, this is certainly NOT the time to avoid numerous vaccinations.

When I was young, so very long ago, there were people suffering from the ravages of polio. Does anyone know why so few people have polio today? Polio vaccine! Does anyone know anyone with polio today? I think not. It's preventative vaccination.

IF you travel to a foreign country and you must get your "shots"... Do you know anyone suffering from malaria? I think not. Tetanus? Yellow fever? Diptheria?

My word! I could go on and on with examples of diseases that have been totally or virtually eliminated from the US.

Okay...about the four students suffering from whooping cough...I feel pain for the individuals and have no idea why the medication didn't take in their cases.

However, to indict vaccination, overall,  is a complete farce. When a person becomes ill, it's not a "higher power" that steps up and tends to things. It's modern medicine. Naturally, there are always advances to be made in research but the people making the efforts have devoted their entire, adult lives to studying and understanding the needs we humans have. They don't simply say we should take a pill or a shot, willy-nilly. They know. The eradication of so many diseases is hard evidence and we all have benefited as time has continued.

To eschew vaccinations is similar to declaring, "The world is Flat!"

(I'll get back to this...but it's potty time.)